Song to the Siren

It starts innocently enough — you raise your child to be friendly and outgoing — to develop bonds to others, while remembering always that you in your role as parent are the best thing since sliced bread. You revel in every hug, every kiss, every “I love you Daddy”, with the wild abandon of a cat diving into a pool of catnip.

Then, just when you think you’ve mastered the parent/child bond, she comes along.

She, with the long flowing hair and sultry voice.

She with the size zero waste, the purple clam-shell bra, and long, slender fins.

I speak, of course, of Ariel.

Yes, after indoctrinating Vampboy into movie-watching with this undersea harpie and her collection of exotically-gilled friends, VM and I have watched our son descend from an independent little guy into a hopelessly obsessed boy, pining for the aquatic love that dare not speak its name.

After viewing the movie three times, it was time to break out the soundtrack. After listening to that about 1,000 times (“Poor Unfortunate Souls“, indeed) it was time to buy the tie-in book — which VB would take to bed and look through until his tired eyes closed and his sleepy arms dropped the book onto his face. In our continuing negotiations about the goal of moving beyond pull-ups into “big boy underwear”, the only way we’ve made any progress is to assure him that we will supply “Little Mermaid underwear” — even though that means VM will be putting her artistic talents to drawing her on toddler boy tightywhiteys.

We tried to let him watch “Finding Nemo“, but it only reminded him of other characters under the sea he’d rather spend time with. He did sit through “Cars”, but he only seems to care about Lighting McQueen being on his pull-ups. I guess you can’t fight toddler love.

Somewhere Walt Disney is laughing in his cryogenic storage tank, counting off one more convert to be added to the growing drone army that will be unleashed when the alien invasion arrives. (Note: This reminds me — I’ll have to explain my “Disney conspiracy” another day.)


About vampdaddy

Father...Sage...Artist...The Weird One...I am many things to many people. View all posts by vampdaddy

7 responses to “Song to the Siren

  • Francesca Giessmann

    Hmmm… i have a Disney conspiracy as well…

  • the manny

    I’d certainly be curious to hear this conspiracy theory, as you’ve never mentioned it to me before (that I recall anyway).

  • Lainey-Paney

    can't wait to hear the Disney Conspiracy Theory.
    Look we're all lining up for it. You should drag it out & tell the story in the form of a book. Looks like at least 3 of us would buy it.

    Chili's Profits Day: 9/29, on my list!

    Good luck in finding some little boy Mermaid Underwear! Yes, VM, you are probably going to have to test your mad drawing skills!

    Sounds like VB's fixation on Ariel is similar to the fixation our little guy has for Dora, the Latina harlot!

  • Fez

    Does Vampdaddy feel a little…jealous towards Ariel? Perhaps this is good practice for when VB becomes a teenager and he is the object and/or subject of many hormonal dramas.

    Poor Unfortunate Souls, indeed…

  • Briana

    Whatever you do, don’t get him “Sebastian’s Sing Along Songs”…you will forever be singing “Iko iko, iko iko ahnday jakamo fino ah-na-nay jakamo fi-na-nay”…that’s what I hear in my head when all I want is peace and quiet…darn your socks Disney!

  • mumma boo

    That Ariel is a temptress! Cenzo’s current obsession is another annoying red-head – Elmo. I’ll count myself lucky – at least Elmo has more than one story-line.
    You might try “Madagascar” for a change of pace. The songs in that one are more tolerable (for us at least. And it sums up my philosophy these days – “Smile and wave, boys, smile and wave.”

  • TwoBusy

    “Daddy, I can do what I want! I’m 16 now… I’m not a little girl!”

    Exactly the kind of daughter/father dialogue I want my 3-year old twin girls picking up on. Thanks, Ariel. I hope you burn in hell.

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